I surrender..

ciao!

I wish I could write more.. But my lame internet connection wouldn't let me. So sometimes I just keep my  thoughts written on twitter or in my blackberry's notepad that obviously didn't end up anywhere. That's sucks. And my best ideas often come up when I showered (don't ask why). Good news is I shower twice a day, and bad news is I'm a totally forgetful person. Ideas come and eventually go away. Such a shame. 

Today is January 14th, we're about to enter the third week of 2011! Doesn't time fly so fast? And what have I done most of the time? Whining over the same old shit that happened over and over again in my family. I never thought that the new beginning turned out to bring a lot of sadness and negativity. No I didn't cry. My tears dried on their own. Maybe my eyes tired of crying over the same thing. Maybe there's a certain amount of tears for every section in my life, and for this "family" section, my tears have dried. 

Fighting parent is the least thing you want to see whenever you get home. Especially after a long hard day at work, complete with its dozen of problematics issues and many other problems. What did they fight for? Basically nothing. My childish, easy offended, emotional, and jobless Mom could magnify one simple thing into one big issue that caused a scene. Meanwhile, my stolid, introvert, and sensitive Dad could just sit in silence, puff his cig. He smiled at me, even his heart cried. 

It's a common thing when you fight everyday with your boyfriend at highschool. But when you're 40 or 50 something parent (and grandparent!) of hopeless children, is it inappropriate? Moreover if you're fighting over the same problem. It seems idiotic. Let's say, if you both not really fell in love with each other, why decided to get married? To ruin our teenage dreams? My brother is still SEVEN for fuck's sake! 

Every normal person wants marriage that last forever. We have to be really careful cos when two become one, there are literally two heads in one roof. We have to let go our ego and accept the fact that nobody is perfect. Could we? 

One day, there come a day that will change our life forever. Become a parent. And I've made a promise. If  someday God let me be a mother, I'll do my best. Maybe I won't be the best mother, but at least I'm willing to be. 

my only treasure.. 

For now, please just let us through this. I surrender to You.. 

Post Title → I surrender..

creep

Post Title → creep

if you leave me now..

IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW

(Chicago)

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me

Uh uh uh uh no baby please don't go

And if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me

Uh uh uh uh no baby please don't go

Uh uh uh uh girl I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love that's hard to find

How could we let it slip away

We've come too far to leave it all behind

How could we end it all this way

When tomorrow comes and we'll both regret

The things we said today

:(

Post Title → if you leave me now..

hello february..

as boring as it sounds, time moves so fast!!!

something bad happened with my sister, she's done one thing that made all of our family member UPSET. She's LYING. about everything (and hummilliating), for 6 fucking months! she manipulated us all. the DIRTY secret finally revealed... BUT.. too little too late. she kept it hidden cos she afraid my parents would cancel her birthday party.

and when this happened, it's too late to cancel the party, the invitations have been sent, to 200 people! that's crazy.

I was upset cos my parents couldn't explicitly punish her. come on, with the mistakes she has made, she should be grounded! BUT instead of punish her, my parents preserve the party. WHY? if i did something bad in the past (not as bad as her) , i get punished.

The party held on Saturday, January 30th in one hip club in Bandung. It went success though. We already forgave her, but we couldn't that easy FORGET it. I mean, it was a very very horrible thing to happened. And I knew the worse story than that. My sister is a BIG MESS!

I hope she had her lesson. Experience always be a best teacher, ONLY if you realize it. If you don't, you'll make the same mistake & fall into same black hole. It turns out, my little sister is not LITTLE anymore. Man, she's unexpected!

As for me,

recently I often argued with my boyfriend. I think he's waaaay too mature for his age. I mean, he's in 20-25 age box (you know, the box when we fill in the survey), but his brain is definitely in 35-40! If he's a runner, then he's a sprint runner! He's ambitious, hard worker, and full of spirits. I can't catch him, let alone get along with him!

I feel bad with myself, cos in my age, I'm still a spoil bunny.

and the next thing I know, he complained about my shopping habit. I upset, but I must admit that all things that came from his mouth were TRUE.

We have this dream wedding, dream house, dream honeymoon, and many other dreams. How can we actualize it if I stand still and he's running alone? We BOTH have to chase our dream. He said that he needs me to support him, and he wants me to be more independent. I can't depend on him every time cos he afraid, if something bad happen to him, then who will take care of me other than my own self?

He also said from now on, I have to start SAVING and invest my money to something more useful, like golds, instead of shoes & bags. I'm so selfish, I'm too busy thinking what should I wear, where's the next sale, and blahblahblah, whereas my dear boyfriend NEEDS my support!

I'm so sorry... He gives me another shot to change, and I won't miss it.

Why is it so hard to kick bad habit? I don't personally think shopping is a bad habit. But everything has its own perfect timing. Maybe this time I should pay more attention to my business, to my future with my boyfriend. There r many precious thing to concern than just a fashion statement.

can somebody slap me please? i'm such a bitch.

Post Title → hello february..